liar, liar, pants on fire

A few weeks ago I got a call from my friend, Miss A. She’s a single mum with a toddler. She was at Skypark, waiting to board a Firefly flight to her hometown in a few minutes. “What’s up at home?” I asked her. It was unlike her to call me just because she wanted to balik kampung, something must be going on. “Well, I can’t tell you now,” she said between giggles, “but just know that this weekend is going to be the D-Day. Whatever happens, you’ll find out soon!”

The conversation ended there. I didn’t bother to probe further because I knew if she wanted to tell me more about it, she would call me again later. And she did call me again on Sunday morning. “So tell me now, what’s up with you?” I asked her, knowing that it must have something to do with the balik kampung trip she had. “Oh my God, you are not going to believe what happened!” she screamed. So here’s the story…

Miss A had been friends with Mr. B for over a year now. It started with work. Miss A works with a prominent company and Mr. B came in as a consultant to help with some projects. They exchanged business cards and phone numbers. She thought it was a good idea to befriend the guy. She had been working for the same company for quite a number of years so it was time for her to seek opportunities elsewhere. Being a consultant, the guy knew many people in the industry. Perhaps he could help her to scout for a new job.

As time went by, they became closer to each other. They started exchanging text messages at odd hours and long distance phone calls when the guy went for overseas assignments. Apparently the guy did quite a lot of travel. Yet he would always text and call her when he was abroad, telling her that his flight had arrived, asking her what she was doing while he was gone, and so on. Knowing that they were taking their relationship to another level, Miss A made it clear to him that she’s a single mum and she has a 3 y.o. daughter. She didn’t want him to get any impression associated with the “J” title, she already had enough of that. She also asked him pointblank if he was married, he said no. He’s a 43 y.o. single man who’s genuinely interested in a 29 y.o. single mum.

Since Miss A already had bad experience with men (her ex-husband was a wife beater, she made 3 police reports against him before they got divorced), she knew she had to be extra careful. She ran some background checks on Mr. B. Is he really who he says he is? Does his job really require so much time abroad? Is he really a Malaysian? Or is he a foreigner who has to leave the country every now and then to renew his visa, hence the frequent travelling?

All the background checks turned out to be positive. Miss A was happy, yet she was still a little suspicious. She asked Mr. B if she could have a look at his IC. He did show it to her, though he also asked her “Why don’t you trust me by now?” Finally, Miss A decided enough already with the spying game. She asked her friends who had been helping her with the background checks to stop doing so. She was already satisfied that the guy’s intention was honorable.

They started making wedding plans. Mr. B asked Miss A to clear her calendar for a few days to go to Bandung to buy wedding supplies. He picked a date in January 2011 for their big day. They discussed about how the wedding was going to be, where they would live after they got married, what would be their future plans, etc. He asked her if he could meet her mum to get everything formalized. She said okay, which resulted in the balik kampung trip on the day she called me from Skypark.

Her mum gave her approval. After a tough first marriage, she surely wanted her daughter to be happy. Her brother was a bit skeptical due to the big age gap between them. She told her brother, “When I married a man of my age, you said I was only going for the looks. Now that I’m marrying somebody older, why are you still complaining?” He brother just laughed it off, perhaps thinking how weird it would be to have adik ipar who’s 10 years older than him!

She returned to KL all happy and jovial. She would be married soon. She was finally getting her happily ever after. Everybody at work could see how happy she was.

That was until one week after her balik kampung trip. Unforeseen by Miss A, she received a surprising news. Miss C, one of the people who helped her with the background checks, came to see her. “I have something to tell you,” she said, “and it’s going to be hurtful.” Miss A was puzzled. However she quickly composed herself and assured Miss C it was okay, please tell her. Whatever it was, she could take anything.

Apparently, even after Miss A told her friends to stop the background checks, Miss C decided to still continue with it. Miss C contacted two of her friends – one working with LHDN and the other working with Mahkamah Syariah – to do further probing, this time on Mr. B’s personal life. And the results were heartbreaking. The LHDN guy found out that Mr. B declared a wife in his recent tax filing. Yes, he’s married! Meanwhile, the Mahkamah Syariah guy found out that Mr. B already had a pending divorce case. Not with his first wife, mind you, but with another girl who’s in her 20s! That makes two wives!

Miss A was stunned. Speechless. Frustrated. Heartbroken. On one hand, she thanked her friend for finding it out before it was too late. On another hand, she couldn’t believe she was fooled again. She thought she was already being careful, but as fate had it, it still wasn’t enough. Miss C told her, “I actually found out about it 2 days after you returned from your balik kampung trip. But I didn’t dare to tell you because I could see that you were so happy.”

Miss A then told her mum and her brother about what happened. Needless to say, they were both shocked. She told them that she needed some time to recover and she didn’t want to speak to anyone for the time being. After she gathered back he strength, she finally spoke to her boss and colleagues about it. They all agreed that the guy was trying to make her his second (or third or fourth) wife without letting her know the real deal. By the way, upon hearing the story, one of Miss A’s colleagues who is a weekend wife immediately got worried if her own husband is doing the same thing to other women behind her back, hmm!

With regards to Mr. B, Miss A told him that she had to call-off the wedding because she didn’t feel good about getting married. “I need to do solat istikharah to see if I’m making the right decision,” she said. The truth was, she had already decided – the guy was a liar and she wasn’t about to be a second (or third or fourth) wife.

“Please write about this on your blog,” said Miss A. “Tell all the single women out there to be really careful, there are many bad guys around us!” She said that the entire ordeal reminded her of the case of a Lebanese so-called millionaire who came to Malaysia and married a young girl, showering her with promises of a good life, but finally ended up in jail for being a conman. Looks like Malaysian guys have learned the same trick!

So to all my girlfriends out there, it doesn’t hurt to be extra careful, so you won’t be extra hurt in the future!

P.S.: Looks like every girl needs a friend at LHDN and Mahkamah Syariah, just in case ;-)


Erin said...

Alamak, scary...cemana nak jumpa a genuinely good guy skrg, rmai conmen

~jeet~ said...

thanks for sharing, memang bnyk con cases like this that happens, and yes, we (both women and men) should be extra careful when dealing with things like this.

p/s:boleh buat polis report ke on that guy?

dieya said...

that's why! scary kan? even someone who's identity is proven can still con you in one way or another.

yeah, it doesn't hurt to be careful. i don't know abt the police report, coz it's not like the guy curi duit dia ke apa. just emotionally distressed laa.. kalau kat US boleh saman kan? ;-)

JaJa'Z said...

OMG!!!...satu2 akak baca ayat2 dieya...sebab tak nak miss satu perktaan pun..teruknya lah that guy...kena hati2 lah..skang ni banyak sangat dugaan..dan banyak sangat yg kaki penipu..have to extra carefull...tak kira la yang bujang ke, yang bujag kembali ke..yang dah kawen ke..semua sama..semua kena hati2..

to Miss A..u tak rugi apa2 pun kalau tak dapat org macam Mr B tu...banyak lagi orang lain yang lebih berhati mulia...stay calm..menda2 macam ni memang perit..yg penting kita bersabar..dan terima ketentuan ilahi..dan alhamdulillah, mendani u dapat tau awal...thanks to ur friend tu yang jadi spy terhebat....

lucky said...

omg.. what a scary story.. i pun baca sebutir sebutir perkataan you.. kesian kat Miss A but its better this way rather than dah kawin baru tau the truth.. dah la dia ada anak.. lagi kesian kalu dah kawin.. hmmm jahatnya that guy!! moral of the story.. doesnt hurt to be extra careful.. and i do agree that every girl needs a friend in LHDN n mahkamah syariah.. sib baik kawan Miss A continued with the background checks even after she told her to stop.. good job! she is lucky to have such caring n good friends around..

dieya said...

k jaja,
tu laa kan zaman sekarang ni mcm2 jenis conmen wujud.. doniaaa doniaaa.. mmg Allah sayangkan Miss A kan, selamatkan dia b4 terbabas kawin ngan org yg sungguh tak bertanggungjawab tu!

scary indeed! who would hv expected kan, tgk background check dah clear, rupanya still ada skeleton hidden in the closet! ada sapa2 keje lhdn and mahkamah syariah? kena buat kawan ni!

Fertzy said...

omg!!! mujur ms A tak resign aritue utk ikot si lelaki itewwwww....

cudnt agree more with others.

for ms A, dont despair, it's blessing in disguise.

dieya, kepoci sket saper ms C?? she did good job. i nak kenal jugak.....hihihi

Aida Rezuan said...

Thanks for sharing. Miss A made a good decision by not proceeding with the wedding. Hope Miss A is doing good by now. *sigh*

dyanna said...

omg! omg! omg!!! what an as'toot'! teruknya Mr B. Grrrr..! why la got guys like this. ingat pompuan macam collection 'hello kitty' mcd - kumpul 4 utk cukupkan kesemuanya!

Well, if you ask me, 'a single 43 y.o guy' is a red flag already.

Nasib baik Miss C is a very good detective.

Looking at social network profile might not be enough. So next time, background check list should include going to:-
* lhdn
* mahkamah syariah
* jab imigresen
* police station
(now i have to find friends there)

sheri said...

speechless. and scary too. nasib baik Allah tolong miss A. but i bet she would swore off man altogether. and che yah is right, 43 y.o single man? thats very rare, kecuali kalau duda. or gay. lol.

dieya said...

gosh, mmg mujur sesangat! hahaha.. sama laa kita.. dan2 tu sibuk nak fren2 ngan ms. c :-D

she's okay now, after a few weeks of recovery period. now she's over it (i think) and has moved on (hopefully) :-)

i know!!! hahaha hello kitty, that's super funny! hey let me know if you find friends at those places, i pun nak kawan gak!

dieya said...

duda or gay? hahaha! her thinking was maybe the guy was too focused in his career earlier in life, hence still single at 43.. which sounded valid juga laa. oh well, who's to know kan. fortunately everything unraveled b4 it was too late!

Messy Mummy said...

I feel sorry for Miss A but glad it's not too late.. I hope and wish - she is that 'superwomen'. Yang tak payah heran hilang lelaki mcm tuh and thankkkk you to that Mr.B because make her a better and stronger person. Next time non of the guys can play around huh!!

M.M pun pk we all should be fren with LHDN n Mahkamah Syariah people.

Maya Marisa said...

omg! can't the male species be more honest nowadays? and to top it off, its a muslim...malu nyer...
looks like we are running out of true malay gentlemen lately.
so malay guys out there, jangan ler marah, if our ladies carik bangsa lain yg lagi gentleman kan dieya kan!
To your friend Miss A, be strong and be brave.

dieya said...

i so agree, "thank you" to mr. b indeed, now we know how bad this kind of guys are! mari kita ramai2 find friends at lhdn and mahkamah syariah :-D

itulah, malu kan.. then when malay women go for other races, pandai pula mengutuk.. camno tu.. *geleng kepala*
owh yes she's being strong and brave, thanks for your support :-)

Rashidah Ibrahim said...

salam, baca cerita dieya ni teringat satu kisah seakan ... bacalah kat blog akak..

dieya said...

k rashidah,
w'salam. oh ye ke? sekarang juga dieya terjah blog akak :-)

Liza said...

at least ms A is not in denial, some may already know but decide to just pretent she know nuts what's going on, true, I have one ralative who still went ahead with the wedding despite knowing the man is a total jerk!

dieya said...

k liza,
yeah she's facing the problem head on. fortunately she decided to call it off. i read/heard somewhere ppl usually just go ahead despite everything just because the preparations are all set, hmm!

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dieya said...

thanks for dropping by. good luck with your research!